Hares: Gaydar and Lolly GagHer
Beermeister: Blackout Barbie
Pack: Kuntucky Dirty, Awful Twatfull, Up The Butt Buttercup, 150 Sex Degrees, Call of Dildo, Helicunter, Let’s Make A Dill, She’s Not Ours, Pussy Poncho, Cadbury, Cock-A-Doodle-Doo, Insert Cousin Here, Oink N Boink, Goo Lite Special, Genie in A Twaddle, Nana’s Struggle Cuddle, Pretty Fly For A Rabbi, Masturbate Masturbate Masturbate, Corporal Funishment, Food Fetish, Siffy Grippens, My Name is Jack, Just Samantha, Just Scott, Just Cameron, Oral Spice, Humpty Dumpty in My Cunty, Indiana Combover, Eight Kids Still A Whore, Welcome Homo, Pinky and the Train Bang, Dolly Style, Slut Bus, Just Clark
Fresh Meat (Virgins): Just Eddie, Just Tom, Just Jamie, Just Dee
Trail time arrived and hashers gathered with a thirst for beer and visions of shaggy in their near future. Lolly GagHer and Gaydar were haring their homecoming trail and with it some chalk talk that some hashers hadn’t seen in quite some time. This was pretty evident as Gaydar ran off yelling “Have fun with some marks you haven’t seen in a couple of years”. Leaving us to ponder marks that some of us had in fact never seen before. After start circle we socialized for a bit before we started. It was brought to the attention of Foot Fetish that the virgin Just Dee decided to break some new shoes in on her first trail. Little did she know that Just Samantha would be drinking beer from her shoe to help her in the process. It is noteworthy that the virgins Just Tom and Just Jamie could make the Harriettes smile by simply speaking because Oh England!!
Thirst quenched temporarily , hashers took off in search of more. It wasn’t too long before the theme of the trail become obvious. False trails and you’ve been fucked were coming at us left and right. Pretty soon hashers were running down hills with the knowledge that they would more than likely being going right back up in search of trail going in a different direction. Hashers who were in front, quickly ended up in back and it was a constant turn around. All good fun!! We lost Just Dee shortly into the trail. Guess she couldn’t breather. Either that or her shoe was soggy with beer. Who knows! We still had three more virgins, so we were good to go!! Just Samantha is 0-2 with virgins at this point. The first stop was a DDS (down down stop), which for some was the first time they had ever seen that mark. It was a welcome sight to all. The sun was blazing and we were all thirsty! There was a particularly tasty beverage concoction of fruit, water, ice and vodka that was enjoyed by the masses. If that wasn’t your cup of tea, multiple forties were available.
After heading off into the woods, the shaggy factor increased greatly as did the enjoyment of all the hashers. Shiggy certainly did scratch us! We came upon a clothing change and sweaty clothes were swapped. Stiffy Grippens decided to swap with a Harriette and decided he needed her bra as well as her shirt. He felt it was a two part top. Apparently he finds bras to be extremely comfortable, and he ran off happily in his new attire. Through thorns, trees and bushes we ran and nary could a super nova stop us as we searched. We came upon some muddy swampy water which wasn’t exactly the cool down we wanted, but it would do. Surprisingly enough no one messed with the snapping turtle and we almost made it through with no mishaps. Of course no trail would be complete if Call of Dildo stayed on her feet. Into the muddy water she falls, but 150 Degrees is there to help her up. The end of the water and mud was really the beginning. False Trail! As we made our way back through the water and in a different direction, beer near was like music to our ears.
With shiggy and water behind us and our thirst temporarily quenched yet again we head into a small neighborhood. With the sun beating down and drying us up, we follow trail and come upon a funeral home as we cross 210.This happen to be the next beer stop and probably the only time someone would be in the vicinity of a funeral home and happy! While the virgins were enjoying their tasty beverages, Just Jamie had some history questions about hashing and the kilts. A mini history break was implemented by Helicunter and Dude Wheres My Nut. The location of the last beer stop was down the road from finish and some hashers (not calling any names) decided to Zen!!
As we are heading back to the end along 210 we come upon a turkey/eagle split. The more adventurous took eagle and the rest took turkey. As we are running up Sandclay there is a gathering in front of a house. They begin yelling “What are you running for?”. My name is Jack yells back “do you have any beer?” He doesn’t really stick around to hear the answer though.
The out of towners were supposed to perform a skit, but they all abandoned Cock-A-Doodle-Doo to his own device. He did a very entertaining one man show of an Ike and Tina Spat and circle was amused. We did a super-secret ballot and it was apparently clear that it was an amazing trail with not one thumb down. The virgins were back in the center of circle and Just Jamie relayed his first tradition as “Oh Fuck” . He may have been unprepared to recite three but he recovered nicely and we got to listen to his lovely make the Harriette’s smile voice as he recited what he learned. We finished circle by making a birthday cake out of Pussy Poncho in celebration of her dirty thirty. Well have a birthday cake because we lacked some ingredients.
What do you call a woman who doesn’t give blowjobs? You don’t!!
On After: Salsa and Beer (Spring Lake)